Today will be a hard day for you. Yesterday and the day before and the weeks before that were hard, but today will be especially so. I wish there were words I could say, poems I could read, or things I could do to assuage your pain, your grief, and your sense of loss. But I know there are no words, songs, or sayings of mine that will help you through today. I grieve with you, cry with you, and feel my own pain over the loss of one of my “brothers from another mother.”
But later, when friends and family have paid their respects, the beautiful flowers begin to wilt, and the house is quiet again, let me share this with you.
Thank you. Thank you for making Tommy so happy. Thank you for being his best friend, his soulmate, and his wife. I’ve known Tommy for over 50 years now. We shared “all manner of ups and downs. Many bad spots in our best times, many good ones in our worst.” We talked a lot as kids and shared stories, dreams, and fears over grade school lunches, over the handlebars of bicycles, and over campfires waiting for catfish to bite. We hung out together, talked together, and as our lives led us on different paths over the years, no matter how much time had gone by, we always picked up where we left off. So, I know that even though he was proud at the birth of his son and during his military service for his country, I also know he was proudest when he was around you. While I could see how tender and loving he was to you, only you know the true depths of those feelings he had toward you and your family. But in seeing that, we got a taste of his deep devotion and love for you and we were made better people for having been a part of your relationship with him. So, thank you for sharing him with us.
In the days to come, I would encourage you to continue sharing Tommy’s love to you with friends and family. I know he was proud of the way you have made changes in your life for better health and increased activity. Keep on with those choices so as to honor his pride in you. Do not let the voices of discouragement, doubt, fear, or anxiety get the upper hand. In his own way, Tommy was a fighter and your biggest supporter. He would want you to “fight the good fight,” as Paul wrote to his best friend Timothy. Though he knew he had “finished his race” Paul looked forward in faith to his reward. I would encourage you to do the same. Lean hard on God. Rant, rave, and yell at Him if you must, but don’t stop talking to Him. Tommy’s death, and the pain and grief that follows it, were never God’s plan. Instead, look forward to the day when the comfort and peace promised by God will outweigh the grief and sadness you feel today. You, like the rest of Tommy’s friends and family, must “only meet each hour or moment that comes.” That is all we can do, all that is expected of us, and must be done. Tommy would like that.
Geography and circumstances are such that I am unable to share these words with you in person. In time, when we are again able to return to Oklahoma, I look forward to seeing you in person and share in further remembrances of Tommy. The first time you were introduced to us, we hugged. I remember your comment “Oh You guys are huggers, aren’t you.” Yes, we were, we are, and will forever be. I look forward to hugging you again soon. Tommy would like that.
All our love,
Bobby and Vanessa
Ajijic, Mexico 2021.
